Rough day, revisited

Dear Daughter,

Today was a rough day. Something is going on with you, and I'm not sure what. I think it might be a combination of some new teeth coming in (you have fourteen already!) and your burgeoning independance. Today you would get very upset if you didn't get what you wanted. Sometimes you would get so mad that you would lie on your tummy on the floor and cry for a little while. You were so sad, and that made me sad. Sometimes you were really happy, though, too! You didn't really want to eat much of your supper, but you really liked the applejuice popsicle that I gave you for dessert. You even put some purple rice on top of it! Chicken and vegetables were pretty much a "na-na-na-na-na-na-na!" We'll get more in you tomorrow.

Despite the times when I was exasperated, there were gleaming moments of pure joy. The best one of the whole day was at bathtime. You were playing really well with the octo-bonhommes, and all of a sudden you looked at me with a small smile. Slowly, you lay down in the water and looked up at me. I don't think you could hear me with your ears underwater, lying there very still. Then all of a sudden you laughed at me! It was so wonderful to hear you laugh today with a gleam in your eye as you watched my reaction to your silliness. I loved it and I will always remember that moment when times are rough again. Thank you for the beautiful memory. Love,

Mommy

My round belly

So the snow has started to fall here. One big storm a couple of nights ago, and everything looks like winter again. I'm ok with winter for a few months, but by March I'm pretty tired of snow on the ground. Summer is my season - I love the warmth and the sun. I even love the heat of those humid Valley days. For some reason, I'm always cold, especially in the winter, so I'm glad that pregnancy has made my body temperature just about normal! So is my husband, J, who gets bed-warming duties when the temperature drops below 0°C.

I feel like my belly is lovely and round, but now at 36 weeks of pregnancy or so, I have gained about 25 pounds. Sounds reasonable and within recommended guidelines, you might say, but the way that my shape has changed means that my belly looks small. There are several explanations for it (long torso, weight gain in other areas, very dense baby, etc.), but I always get comments like "wow - you're so small!" For some reason, it bugs me. Probably because women who have not yet been pregnant often follow up that comment with "I'm going to be such a whale when I'm pregnant!"

Why is there such competition between women? It might not seem like a very competitive thing to say, but there's often the underlying sentiment of suffering making you a better woman. If you didn't have to struggle through enormous weight loss postpartum, then you didn't have the "true" pregnancy experience. My response to such comments is usually along the lines of "well, everyone's body reacts differently. You never know!" I feel like there's a touch of jealousy there, and instead of being proud of my shape and how good I feel, I feel a bit guilty for not gaining weight in a way that makes me look huuuuge.

But if that's been my only problem so far in my pregnancy, that makes me very happy. I love my shape! My belly feels taut and round and low, and it makes my husband smile every time he sees me in profile. I feel healthy and strong and beautiful, and J reminds me of that every day. I love being pregnant and I look forward to meeting the person growing in my belly.

October 9, 2007

29 weeks along, and baby due at Christmas. Feeling good - healthy and strong - and anticipating baby's arrival with great joy. Wondering what kind of mother I'll be, and how I will change as a wife. Hoping for husband's understanding and patience with me.